Friday, September 14, 2007

milk anxiety

tonight we are going out with noel and nancy to celebrate our anniversary. granny and poppa are picking up the girls from school and keeping them overnight.

they are taking almost my whole inventory of breastmilk for bug. i am very nervous that i won't be able to replace it. she has been doing very well with solids, so maybe we should increase them a little bit to decrease the hit to the inventory. i gave granny the ok to introduce mashed banana this weekend, in addition to the sweet potato.

i have been reading up on first foods and am pleased to see that i don't have to go the commercial food route. but that should be common sense: babies 100 years ago didn't get commercial baby food. but then i think: babies 100 years ago got exclusively breastmilk from their housebound moms. ah, the guilt.

i am pretty proud of myself for getting this far without needing formula. my goal with pooka was to get her (any) breastmilk until she turned 1. i limped along and barely made it. i don't actually have a set goal for bug, just: as long as i can. sometimes i think i'll stop soon, sometimes i see myself going for a lot longer. some days it's not my mind, but my body that wants to stop. (like last night when she bit the hell out of me.)

right now i am having trouble pumping milk for her to drink at daycare. i have plenty of milk when she's drinking direct, but i think i am becoming desensitized to the pump. it's very frustrating. the solids are really helping in that department. she's only eating ~2 oz (of solids, that is), but it seems to be just the right amount to supplement the bottles and get her through until i can nurse her.

she seems well satisfied and healthy. maybe i should just stop beating myself up about it.