avian assassin

i think my truck doesn't like birds. maybe he's particularly sensitive about being pooped on, or maybe he's always been like that. usually he tolerates it, but last week, he reached a boiling point.

he claimed his third (and possibly fourth) victim(s).

on the drive to magee's, we took the scenic route through the countryside. this offers many views of birds, horses, fields, and other natural wonders. on this trip, it was not so wonderful for one tiny, brilliant yellow bird.

i registered his presence and dangerous proximity to the windshield just early enough to raise my hand encouraging him over the roof. alas, my jedi powers failed and he thumped, directly in front of me face. i jumped. i think everyone in the truck was aware of it, but only kisu found it funny (the bastard.) i continued on, speechless in shock for a moment. and then we started discussing zed's unhealthy history of bird bashing.

for the rest of the trip, i sustained a heightened awareness of the birds flying around us, and several times thought we would have another impact. kisu thought my paranoia was funny, until the bumper clipped another wing. i'm pretty sure that bird survived, but seriously! it's starting to freak me out.

kisu spent the whole weekend teasing me about it and made sure to tell everyone that i like to hit birds. but honestly, it's not me. i'm not a strong believer in demonic possession, especially in inanimate objects, but i've got to deflect blame here. i don't want to end up like tippie hedren.

goggles

bug had a heckuva day on saturday. she hit a trifecta of damage. she snapped pooka's headband in half (not while it was on pooka's head), she pulled the pin out of the closure assembly on the screen door, and she broke my glasses.

i was in the shower and kisu thought they were pooka's. pooka is forever leaving her glasses (even the spare pair) in random places around the house, so she got quite the scolding. bug got a thrashing, as well. when i told kisu that they were mine, he did right and apologized to pooka.

meanwhile, i have no glasses. it's not really a big deal because my prescription is very mild, but i did have to get some cheap sunglasses. i cannot tolerate the glare while driving and my clip-ons don't clip-on to my eyebrows.

ultimately, i will have to get a new pair of specs, but i don't relish the thought of spending $200. my friend at work tipped me to a site called goggles4u.com. there is a wide selection of inexpensive frames, free shipping, and a feature that allows you to experiment with various levels of ridiculousness preview them when you upload a picture of yourself.








besides being a useful tool, it lets you get your elton john on.



by the way, these are the ones i'm probably getting:

crackbook

i haven't been writing much here. i have been way too busy playing saving the planet. otherwise known as playing solitaire on facebook.

i have become one of the many addicts to that social network. once i got past the rigorous vetting process (it seems they didn't believe my name really was megachick) i quickly got hooked by how many darn people i know. in fact, the first hour, i contacted a friend from college who happened to be doing freelance work right that minute next door at my very own employer!

and it snowballed from there. although, to be honest, it's starting to slow down. i'm re-discovering that there really is a limit to how much solitaire you can play before your brain starts to liquify. that's why i started this hobby in the first place.

so eventually i'll come back here and start retuning my writing skills and paying attention to my children in order to have material on which to use those skills.

ice queen

lately pooka and i have been getting along a lot better. she has been behaving and i have had a longer fuse, miraculously. despite her usual attitude toward me, she is actually a very sweet and caring child.

today was "do-good sunday" at church and my chore was to pick up trash at the local clinic that the church supports. i wanted to do something physical but had no idea that we would get a snow squall in the middle of the day. we were coated and soaking wet. when i finally came home, i wanted to bury myself under the blankets and sleep away the chill i felt in my bones. pooka was sympathetic. she also wanted to avoid folding her laundry. while i was sleeping, she thoughtfully covered me up--with every blanket she could find. i awoke feeling a little bit like i was sleeping in a furnace.


but my feet were still cold!

i love my church family

never before have i been somewhere where they clamor to take care of your children. last year we went to a christmas party and people were grabbing bug left and right to hold her, carry her, feed her. after services on sunday, they often do the same, one day almost fighting over her.

this year, they moved kids' choir rehearsal to wednesday night at a time we couldn't make. the director volunteered to drive waaay out of her way to pick up pooka from latchkey and get her to church. when the logistics ultimately didn't work out for her, a friend whose daughter is also in the choir called and asked if i minded if she picked up pooka instead. mind? why would i mind? you guys are doing all the work for me!

i have now performed twice in the sweet spirit choir and both times i have heard compliments, "good to see you up there. you sounded great."

this place is chock-full of lovely individuals who truly want you to fully enjoy the atmosphere and experience the fellowship. i love it here! i'm so happy to discover what i was missing by running out the door as soon as the last amen was said.

halloween just doesn't excite me

i don't think i've ever been into halloween, which is weird because i think both my parents enjoy it, especially since they met at a halloween party. and don't you usually learn to love the events your parents love?

i can only recall a few halloweens with any sort of clarity.

youth: some sort of costume that involved wearing a decorated cardboard box.

adolescence: i dressed up like a businessman (slacks and a sportcoat. how original) because it was the only thing i could afford as a college freshmen. yes, of course, i did it just for the candy.

adulthood: when i was pregnant with pooka, i didn't dress up, but i remember handing out candy. one little boy came to the door and saw arizona, our first cat, walking around. he made a typical toddler comment like, "is that your cat?" and i replied, "no. that's my husband. i turned him into a cat because he made me mad." i don't think any 'scream' mask could have made his eyes wider than they were at that. heh. it still makes me laugh to think about it.

since we're talking about old music

certain songs bring back specific events in my memory, and other songs just bring up general feelings or images from recurring scenarios.

hearing jim croce's "bad, bad leroy brown" reminds me of driving around in dad's truck singing along until i realized i said 'damn'. i didn't know if i would get punished for swearing. i don't remember dad saying anything at all, but having parenting experience now, i'm sure he was laughing at me.

listening to "hot legs" or "do you think i'm sexy" by rod stewart always makes me think of pam and i remember sitting in her room next to her tiny record player as she danced on her bed. hearing "bridge over troubled water" just makes me think of her in general and our relationship.

we used to do a lot of duets back in the day. dad had a reel-to-reel player and used to tape us singing. sometimes it was just for a lark, or to record candid memories, but sometimes it was a performance. i remember pam and nicole practicing "you light up my life" repeatedly for days and days until i was about ready to scream. then again, jeanine and i rehearsed "love will keep us together" almost as much. she and i also made up some of our own ditties which we thought were awesome, of course. i haven't spoken with her in years, but whenever i hear that song i think of her. thanks to 93.1 doug.fm, i hear all these old songs a lot more often than you'd think.

dad had some of everything on those tapes. his music, our music, our voices. there's one reel of dad trying to get me (approximately 3 years old?) to recite something for the tape, but i refused to do it. what's there is probably more than 5 minutes of him offering different requests and suggestions, but all his coaxing was futile. i don't think you hear me say anything more than "noooo."

it's funny how kids will do some of the strangest things for attention, unless their parents ask them to.

this is the 3rd time and i'm starting to take it personally

my college was well known for it's gay-friendly atmosphere. so much so that a tomboy with short hair, who liked to wear jeans, eschewed makeup, listened to melissa etheridge, and didn't sleep around was assumed to be gay. even by my father, at one point.

i didn't get around much, but both of the guys i 'dated' in college before kisu ended up being gay. well, one of them was bi, but still.

recently i found out that a guy on whom i had a major crush in high school is also gay.

what the hell?

i don't have a problem with gay people, except that it makes it more difficult to date them if you're the opposite gender. obviously, this is not an issue anymore, but i'm starting to develop a complex. of course, that's just silly. i didn't turn them gay, right? (did i?)

i told kisu straight up, if he ever even has a fleeting thought about changing his orientation: please, for the sake of my vanity, just keep it in the closet.

singular suckitude

kisu had to take primary responsibility for his mother this week, which took up most of the after work hours. so i have been living the life of a single parent. i have to admit i hate it. there's a reason i went the traditional family route: getting a husband and then the kids, you know?

i have new-found respect for those heroic women (and men) who manage to raise multiple children on their own, particularly in despicable circumstances, particular when they manage to instill in the children a drive to succeed and a measure of self worth. that isn't easy to do, even when you have a partner present to prevent you from getting medieval on those kids butts.

in particular, i have renewed respect for my sister who spent a large portion of raising her children doing it on her own. three kids, who were practically triplets, on her own because her husband was not only not helping, but often times actually trying to cause more trouble for her and for them.

once upon a time, i thought i wanted three kids, but after this week i think i have buried that idea. (as if the crashing economy hadn't already.) the tiny island of sanity to which i am desperately clinging would be completely engulfed by the tsunami that a third child would bring to our world.

maybe in ten years or so we'll have one of those 'oopsy-daisy' babies. by then our sanity will either be sufficiently recovered or completely blown and crazy will be normal.

is it a job or a vocation?

sometimes people are called to their jobs, in much the same way people are called to ministry. it can become apparent at a young age or at any time in their lives, even while in the midst of another occupation they may think is their life's work.

when i was little, i had only one job ever in mind: i was going to be a veterinarian. inspired by my love for animals, and the james herriot books, i knew i would dedicate my life to keeping our furred friends healthy.

that all changed one fateful day. a job shadow at the local vet's office happened to coincide with the onset of flu symptoms, resulting in my nearly passing out while witnessing the vet's messy attempt to access a retriever's vein. the animal jerked when punctured and gouts of red blood were smeared all over, marring the appearance of the silky golden hair. whether in response to the unaesthetic scene before me or to the as-yet-unknown bug in my system, i wilted and slumped into a nearby chair. from that day forward, i started thinking about what else i was going to do with my life.

i still haven't quite figured it out.

that doesn't appear to be a problem my youngest child will have. she seems clearly destined for one job in particular, based on her obsession with toilets. yes, that's right. i can look forward to the proud day when bug becomes a master plumber.

when loosed in the house, her favorite place to hide is squished in behind the toilet. it doesn't matter whose house we're in, either. she will find the nearest toilet and wedge herself next to it. additionally, her favorite toy is the plunger. unsupervised, she will steal it from its resting place and run around the house with it. the other day she ran twice around the upstairs before i caught her and i had to pry the filthy tool from her chubby little hands.

well, at least i can take some consolation from the fact that plumbers are reputed to make good money. and with all the bullshit being shoveled the world over, she'll never have to worry about job security.

oh, don't go there

i don't usually get political. mostly because i'm not sure how i feel about some issues, but every year i get pulled in a little more and start to understand a little more. when mccain tapped palin for veep, i got pulled in a lot more.

i have always like john mccain; i wanted him to be the guy back in 2000, but nobody listened to me. anyway, i will admit that part of my approval of palin is for her gender. women get the job done and it's time we started smacking some of those washington dipshits around.

i applaud her frankness and humility. i LOVE that she embraces her hockey mom-ness. that's totally what i would be if i had kids who wanted to play hockey. (there may be hope for bug, yet, although she may go straight for football.) i like that she's a no-nonsense, hands-on mom trying to get things accomplished on an even bigger scale. it couldn't hurt to apply a little domestic discipline and multi-tasking to the selfish, whiny brats involved in the national government.

and can you just picture her sitting down to middle eastern peace talks? "you two are not leaving this table until you hammer this out. i don't care who started it; nobody gets dinner until there's a workable treaty!" that'd be spectacular.

some people are slamming her for her conservative social views: the abstinence-only education (i disagree) and the anti-abortion stance in particular. when i read this article, a comparison started to crystalize in my mind.

i readilt admit to being a political novice, so forgive me for some sweeping generalizations but this is one facet of how i see it:
republicans want to legislate things like body rights (abortion, sex ed) and democrats want to legislate things like social conscience (welfare, national healthcare, etc.)

on the surface, both of these ideas should have great support. i mean, deep down who really wants to kill unborn babies? and who doesn't want to help their fellow man? and yet, each side decries the other for telling people how to live their lives.

what's funny to me, and not in a ha-ha way, is that the repubs are telling people (women) to respect themselves (e.g. not get pregnant until you're ready to keep and care for the child) while the dems are telling us to give our money to people who have not respected themselves (e.g. people who have conceived and birthed children they can't afford to feed, house, or medicate when necessary). i know there are always extenuating circumstances, but for the most part, you gotta agree with the adage 'an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.' (more crudely put: 'saying no will save the taxpayers thousands of dollars.')

as i said, both ideas are reasonable, but the loudest argument i hear is from the liberals saying that we have no right to tell a woman what to do with her body. well, ok, but you have no right to tell me to help my fellow man. nonetheless, you want to raise my taxes in order to do just that. i want to help humanity, but i feel it is my right to decide where my money goes and how much of it. you want to help humanity how? by condoning or even advocating irresponsible personal behavior and permitting 'oopsy-daisy' abortions? (again, i concede the possibility of extenuating circumstances.)

as a sidebar: liberals argue to keep church out of state, but from where does the idea of charity come in the first place? what argument is there for taking care of our fellow man other than "God told us to?" if we're going with a darwinistic approach, letting my fellow man starve or sicken to death is cleaning the gene pool and will allow me greater access to the resources i need to survive.

anyway, when i shared my conclusions with kisu on the way to work this morning, he clapped with (not quite evil) glee and patted me on the back, saying, "your conversion is complete. i have done my appointed job."

so i reached over, opened the passenger door, and said, "good, now get the hell out."

the divine mrs c

because i obviously can't get enough of myself. here is a clip that's celebrates how hott i am.

opportunity knocked (a hole in the door)

working out is producing such stunning results that it has allowed to me explore some new occupations. recently i have taken a turn at towing broken-down cars, compressing bins of aluminum for recycling, manually launching space craft, and covering for atlas while he's on vacation.

but the one of which i am the proudest: as the model for a certain well known baking component odor-fighter. take a look:
too bad they won't give me free samples to put in my work out bag, because i'll tell you, all this hard work has more olfactory impact than a stroll through the rose garden (and not quite as pleasant).

on the lake

so there we were: (forgotten name) lake in hillsdale, bathing suits, fishing poles, 75 degrees, sunshine, and a giant tupperware full of oblatney to share.

at the end of the day we had accomplished: bug swimming nude in a diaper instead of the swimmers i bought specifically for this weekend; pooka wading up to her neck knees in the lake while constantly being yelled at to keep her chest dry; catching 2 fish (pooka), feeding the fish (me); futilely pedaling a boat in circles due to a broken rudder; eating disgusting amounts of food, including most of my own treats.

in a word: success.

oh, and i totally did two L-seats on the swingset still rings.

narcissistic much?

weight loss is a common topic in our office. from the aging art director who suddenly realized he'd been growing rounder and rounder, to the copywriter who has struggled with her weight all her life, to the other people who just want to stay fit, we frequently discuss eating habits, exercise plans, and the frustration of it all. the writer has not seen much progress, but the art director has shed some 50 pounds in roughly the last 9 months.

a woman on another floor actually went on a hospital-supervised shake-only diet. this was a pretty radical plan that produced a striking result. she lost a little more than 100 pounds, i believe, and literally looked like a different person. it may have been even more pronounced in my eyes because it happened while i was on maternity leave.

i couldn't stick to a shake-only plan while trying to provide normal/proper nutrition for my family, and by the same token, my eating/exercising schedule wouldn't necessarily work for other people. however, i was proud to hear that she marveled at my dedication to losing weight and my ability to maintain what i have done so far.

it's nice to have my hard work appreciated. i marvel at myself sometimes, and i like to hear people comment on my dedication when i'm heading to the gym as they're heading to a fast food restaurant. it's motivating and rewarding all at the same time. and not in a 'holier-than-thou' way.

kisu is especially appreciative of what i've accomplished, although possibly not as much as i am myself. like my idol, the divine miss m, i will randomly pop up and declare, "i look good!"

this is turning into a joke around the house. one night kisu and pooka were waiting for me and when they discovered that i was in the bathroom, kisu said that i was flexing in front of the mirror. in that particular instance it was not true, but it was darn close and i couldn't help but laugh which made him think that it was true.

i like to flex my muscles. i like to see my muscles in the mirror. i admit i even... fondle my muscles--just the arms, though!

i can't help it. i am in the best shape of my life (barring the year prior to earning my black belt--and i've had 2! kids since then) and i love the way it feels. i even find ways to sneak in exercise when we're out and about, like hoisting bug onto my shoulders and walking on my tiptoes. kisu has started calling me the fitness nazi. i don't think that applies, though, if you're only pushing yourself.

anyway, i don't care what he calls me, i am going to continue working. i don't consider a trip to the gym obligatory, i consider it a privilege and an enjoyable way to spend an hour. even if i have to put up with some old curmudgeons while i'm there.

tough nut to crack

i have a peculiar bruise on my arm received when i was carrying a giant box of shelves into the house. located in the middle of my forearm, it bears an uncanny resemblance to a cross. it's actually kind of cool, except that it's upside-down to me.

it is extremely noticeable, though, since it is quite a deep bruise and i am pretty pale. kisu lamented that people might think that he abuses me (as if i couldn't kick his butt), but that would be a strange kind of abuse: beaten with a crucifix.

i kind of like it, though, because it's a temporary tattoo, and it draws attention to my sleekly muscled arms. besides, bearing bruises (received for innocent reasons) is an indicator of toughness (or clumsiness, but you know, let's focus on the positive, okay?)

HA!

spoiling for a fight

this afternoon was stressful. i got held up quite late at work finishing a project and was obsessing about being late to pick up the girls. ultimately, that resulted in my not doing the work properly.

i was angry and that tends to make me drive more aggressively, but i did nothing to deserve others' rage.

i was zooming down the freeway, which provided plenty of opportunities to zig and zag, and as i approached a green jeep, i noticed the driver had his hand out the window. as i pulled even he flipped me off. i think it was for me, there wasn't anyone else around, really, but i don't know why. passing him was the first interaction i'd had with him. it's not like we had been dodging each other along the road. i didn't cut him off, i didn't blow his doors off. i'm stumped.

his hand being out already makes me think either a) he thought i was someone else--there are a LOT of silver escapes on the road, or b) he was just waiting for anyone to flip off.

a little later down the road, he pulled up and passed me along my left. as he did so, he gave me the look--you know the one--the one that says, "why did they allow you behind a wheel? you blithering idiot, you're barely capable of breathing on your own."

was i mistaken or did his look change to: "oh, that's not who i thought it was."

no, apparently it did not because even later, i passed him as he was exiting and he gave me the look again. "how dare i pass him twice?!"

i honestly have no idea what i could have done to offend this guy. an amusing thought is that he just gets mad at people who speed (ok, i do have a lead foot, plus i was racing to pick up the girls, don't forget), but that is a delightfully ironic agenda for him considering he has a bumper sticker that reads: HAUL ASS.

the next steps

i really missed the gym this weekend.

especially since i screwed up and had two cheat days. i decided to go to the gym tonight, but when i got there i discovered that they had just closed. guess it's been awhile since i used the gym close to my house.

i was all suited up and had the determination to run, though, so i decided to just go around my neighborhood.

i don't usually do that because i don't want people to laugh at my lousy running technique, my labored breathing, my early quitting it's hard to pace myself outside, as i proved in the 5k. but i thought, what the hell, you need to burn some calories.

i started out a little fast, i think, and immediately starting shortening my theoretical route. but i eased up and found my pace and managed to complete the circuit i had originally planned, and then tacked ona bit more for good measure. i was hoping that i had at least done a mile. when i got home, i registered at mapmyrun.com and discovered, to my happy surprise, that i had gone almost 1.5 miles.

heart & sole very tired

today was the 5K. i was nervous this morning.

nervous? what's up with that? as if i had any chance of actually winning.

i was also very concerned about the cold. the predicted high was a mere 59 and overcast. i only brought workout shorts. yikes!

the sun was peeking through a little by start time, but it was still darn cold. cold enough, in fact, that my nose was dripping like a faucet. i couldn't take more than 5 strides without snot sliding down my face. since i didn't want to look disgusting (for the footage the company was capturing) i used the tissue i had had the foresight to jam in my pocket. how clever of me to be prepared. how foolish of me to not be prepared enough--i could have used a whole box!

this situation was one of the many things that threw me off track. the snot made it difficult to breathe through my nose, which is, of course, the proper way to control your breathing. breathing through my mouth caused cottonmouth and my throat to feel like it was closing up. it was distracting to have to clear my nose constantly, though. also, the cold affected my body. it took half the course for my body heat to thaw out my arms from the elbow down. and another factor was pacing. i usually only run on a treadmill, which sets the pace for me. i don't know what 4.5 mph feels like on the road. i didn't feel like i was going much faster than usual, but who knows how the temperature skewed my perception. i must have been going faster than usual, however, because i finished in 34:15. and i didn't even run the whole course! i figured i walked roughly half a mile of the supposed 3.1 mile course. the superfast time to completion made me suspect that the course planners were a little stingy (or generous?) in their layout.

i later drove the path and came up with approximately 2.8 miles. ah-ha! just as i suspected.

overall, i'm happy with how i performed under the conditions. i didn't manage to run the whole thing, which was my initial goal, but i did complete it in decent time. i definitely have a target for next year.

for now, i'm not running for at least a week. in fact, i don't think i'm going to the gym at all for the rest of this week.

running down a dream

work is hosting a 5K next week in partnership with and to support the American Heart Association.

i wasn't necessarily planning to do something like this, but since i have been training anyway, and since this is my year of personal growth, i am going to attempt it. i even signed up as a runner, although the canny thing to do would be to sign up as a walker and then run half to insure that i win my category. but i wouldn't do that....

my personal goal is to run the whole thing. i know i can walk it. 5K = 3.1 miles = not that challenging of a walk. but running? that's another story.

i have never been a runner. even when i played sports in my younger days, i would beg out of running. (that made soccer practice pretty lame.) in a matter of seconds, i would be wheezing and gasping for air. because it was so uncomfortable--and embarrassing--i never worked to make it better.

this year, though, all that has changed. i am easily running 10-15 minutes at a stretch and have even pushed myself to 20 minutes on more than one occasion.

i know, it'll take longer than that to complete a 5K. that is why today, i was determined to complete the whole distance at the gym. maybe not run it all, but at least get a feel for the mileage. turns out, i did pretty well. i actually ran for 30 minutes straight, for 2.25 miles, and then i walked .5 mile, and ran another .25 mile, then walked the last little bit. it took me just under 43 minutes total.

i was so proud of myself. i have one week to improve on my conditioning and time, but now i know i can do it. add to that the support of a newfound friend who will run with me. we can push each other to finish strong. i am always more competitive when i am with someone else.

the only concern i have is hydration (as per usual with me). running that much, my shirt should have been soaked. although my scalp was damp, and the tighter areas of my shorts were wet, i was otherwise un-sweaty. my face was actually bone dry and red as a stop sign. clearly, i need to drink more water.

within an hour of returning to work, i wasn't feeling so great. it wasn't anything i could pinpoint, but i kind of thought it might be hunger. i got myself a sandwich (second lunch!) and i felt much better. i guess when you run that much --burning 400 cals in the process-- your metabolism speeds up. i don't usually experience that kind of after effect from cardio workouts. weights, yes, cardio, no.

hopefully all this intense cardio training will also result in better weight loss, especially better shaping. i wouldn't mind losing another couple inches to show off my nicely toned muscles!