skunky behavior

earlier this week it seemed like pooka had learned her lesson finally and was behaving better. tonight, she backslid.

she refused to go to bed and started whining, as per usual. she finally went upstairs, wailing and moaning the whole time. i threatened to shortcut the bedtime routine if she didn't stop the crabbing. this caused her to cry harder. i threatened to not let her participate in the art contest coming up at work. more tears and shreiks. i threatened to not let her attend the kids day at work. same reaction.

so basically, the fear of losing privileges prevents her from accomplishing what she needs to do in order to keep those privileges. she's frozen with panic.

after the dust settled, she offered the following reason for the tantrum:
the two friends at the playdate earlier today wouldn't stop running. the boy wouldn't let her go around the play stoplight. and he called her 'skunkface'.

what?

i almost laughed, it was so random.

on one hand, i want to cuddle her and protect her from the malice of others, to let her enjoy any youthful innocence she still posesses and to delay the time of harsh awakening when she realizes that the world can be a very mean place.

on the other hand, i need to teach her that her behavior is her responsibility, regardless of how spiteful and vexing others are.

how do you teach a kid that she needs to be nice, even though nobody else is?