my recurring nightmare

you know how sometimes when you look in the mirror, you suddenly see what you really look like?

not how you look with your hair styled, or with make-up (not me, anyway), but how you truly look.

did that ever scare the crap out of you?

i looked today and saw some giant gray bags under my eyes. my immediate thought was: i need more sleep.

i have been saying that for as long as i can remember. it's like my mantra, and my cause, at least in part, for everything from memory gaps to weight gain to disregarded housework.

i did some thinking and realized that, for one reason or another, it has been 7 years since i have had regular, restful sleep.

i think i had about 6 months worth while pooka was 2, but that's it. i can't imagine why, between 2 pregnancies, midnight nursing until the babies turn(ed) one, night terrors, and leukemia, i don't sleep well.

so if breaking a mirror brings 7 years bad luck, what causes 7 years of bad sleep?

oh, yeah: kids.