Wednesday, February 20, 2008

10 essential steps to survive locking yourself out of your house

1. dig through the the detritus of autumn behind your air conditioner for the fake rock that holds the spare key, which you haven't seen for 3 years, scratching your hands in the process.

2. fail to find key, wake up your father to come and rescue you, because your husband is the only person on duty at his job and can't leave.

3. load kids and their heaps of paraphernalia into vehicle in garage, kicking yourself for not pre-heating the truck like you normally do.

4. huddle together in back seat to stay warm, wondering if you need to retrieve the blanket from the emergency kit.

5. reassure the 6-year-old when she tearfully asks, "is this my fault?"

6. then defend yourself when she demands, "why did you do this, mom?"

7. play "i spy" with the plethora of garden tools on display in the garage. (i spy something that is silver!)

8. envy the baby in her fleece-lined zip-up car seat cover. plan on buying one for the driver's seat.

9. hug father upon his arrival, apologize, get keys, proceed with morning routine only slightly late instead of the slightly early you thought you miraculously might be.

10. spend rest of day trying to thaw out your buttocks.