bring your kids to work and let them drive you crazy day

tuesday was ce creativity for kids day. pooka loves this event, and i enjoy most of it, too. i approached this year's event with much trepidation, however. bug is too big to be confined to a stroller all day (why bother bringing her, then?) but too rambunctious to not bring a stroller to confine her when (not if) necessary.

the day was a mixed bag. the morning was tough before the activities officially started. pooka was well engaged in the art project, but all bug wanted to do was deconstruct the one i was making on her behalf. (and doing a pretty neat job, and i say so myself. the making, not the unmaking.) finally we headed outside where the inflatable attractions were in full swing, despite the wind and threatening rain clouds.



the rain held off for the most part, but the wind was an issue all day long. at one point, the roof of the bounce house collapsed with my kids, among others, inside. the attendant quickly evacuated them, but bug was the last one and hanging back just out of reach of the tiny flap opening. during the whole process, she kept repeating, "not funny, not funny," which was, ironically, quite funny.



the wind was helpful when it came to the bubble blowing process, though. all you had to do was pull the wand out of the bottle and, whoosh, away they went. it prevented bug from getting bubble mix in her mouth, a little.



we ate lots of junk food, got tattoos, caricatures, and balloon animals. what more could you cram into one day?







bug was able to participate in more activities than i thought and she ran herself ragged. pooka was pretty beat, too, and i was done in well before either of the kids were. we returned to my desk to see if i had any actual work to do. unfortunately, i did need to complete an important task for my boss before i could leave. bug chose this time to have a complete meltdown. she went nuts running around the whole floor, getting into places she shouldn't. i buckled her into the stroller, obviously later than i should have done, and after 5 minutes of complaining, she fell asleep. at that point i figured i may as well see out the day. she slept for 45 minutes in the stroller, then slept again on the way home, as did pooka.

avian assassin

i think my truck doesn't like birds. maybe he's particularly sensitive about being pooped on, or maybe he's always been like that. usually he tolerates it, but last week, he reached a boiling point.

he claimed his third (and possibly fourth) victim(s).

on the drive to magee's, we took the scenic route through the countryside. this offers many views of birds, horses, fields, and other natural wonders. on this trip, it was not so wonderful for one tiny, brilliant yellow bird.

i registered his presence and dangerous proximity to the windshield just early enough to raise my hand encouraging him over the roof. alas, my jedi powers failed and he thumped, directly in front of me face. i jumped. i think everyone in the truck was aware of it, but only kisu found it funny (the bastard.) i continued on, speechless in shock for a moment. and then we started discussing zed's unhealthy history of bird bashing.

for the rest of the trip, i sustained a heightened awareness of the birds flying around us, and several times thought we would have another impact. kisu thought my paranoia was funny, until the bumper clipped another wing. i'm pretty sure that bird survived, but seriously! it's starting to freak me out.

kisu spent the whole weekend teasing me about it and made sure to tell everyone that i like to hit birds. but honestly, it's not me. i'm not a strong believer in demonic possession, especially in inanimate objects, but i've got to deflect blame here. i don't want to end up like tippie hedren.

goggles

bug had a heckuva day on saturday. she hit a trifecta of damage. she snapped pooka's headband in half (not while it was on pooka's head), she pulled the pin out of the closure assembly on the screen door, and she broke my glasses.

i was in the shower and kisu thought they were pooka's. pooka is forever leaving her glasses (even the spare pair) in random places around the house, so she got quite the scolding. bug got a thrashing, as well. when i told kisu that they were mine, he did right and apologized to pooka.

meanwhile, i have no glasses. it's not really a big deal because my prescription is very mild, but i did have to get some cheap sunglasses. i cannot tolerate the glare while driving and my clip-ons don't clip-on to my eyebrows.

ultimately, i will have to get a new pair of specs, but i don't relish the thought of spending $200. my friend at work tipped me to a site called goggles4u.com. there is a wide selection of inexpensive frames, free shipping, and a feature that allows you to experiment with various levels of ridiculousness preview them when you upload a picture of yourself.








besides being a useful tool, it lets you get your elton john on.



by the way, these are the ones i'm probably getting:

pooka, the spider hunter

our house, like many others, has spiders. mostly just the translucent yellow variety, although we have seen a much larger, and hairier, species once or twice. the yellow ones are essentially harmless. which is good, because lately they have been quite numerous. we typically take a modified live and let live stance. they have a safe 'spider' zone: anywhere higher than we can reach without aid. if they venture into the 'people' zone, we usually dispose of them. they congregate mostly in the kitchen, but perversely, they seem to like pooka's room second-best.

unfortunately, pooka has a fear of spiders. this, combined with her unnatural flair for melodrama, creates hysteria whenever she spies one. (in our house, that could be more than once a day.) since pooka has a loft bed, she is closer to the spider zone, and that amplifies her anxiety. we have had several nights post-bedtime where she left her room crying for us to kill a spider.

one night the hysteria got to be too much and kisu decided that it was time for pooka to face this fear. he told her that she had to kill her own spider. or she could ignore it and go to bed. she sobbed for at least 20 minutes. finally we realized the spider had left, and so she went to sleep.

a few nights later, the scene reoccurred. this time, i was on duty. i gave her the unused paper towel that kisu had provided before and gave her some pointers on spider smooshing. she just cried. after many pleas and attempts at bartering (on her part), i shut her in the room.

she lost privileges that night for her cowardice. she even lamented the fact that she was "such a cry-baby" --her words! after 35 minutes, kisu arrived to apply the muscle. (she responds to his discipline often, only rarely to mine, although we use the same threats techniques.) finally he delivered the ultimatum: "kill it or name it, because you're grounded to your room until you deal with it."

5 minutes later, she came out and said, truculently, "i did it, daddy." she was, i think, a little bit satisfied for having done it. when she opened the wad of paper towel to prove her skill, it was empty; she got defensive. from the privacy of my bedroom, i laughed. kisu helped her locate the maimed spider on the floor and finish it off. now she could rightly claim her first kill.

after many hugs and proclamations of pride and honor, she returned to bed. kisu and i went into the kitchen.

where we saw SEVEN more spiders.

they arrange memorial services quickly in the arachnid world.

trash picker

i remember that "trash-picker" was an epithet we used when i was a child to describe poor people who had to rummage through the garbage of others to find scraps of clothing to wear. or so we thought.

what a revolution now to see people who voluntarily "free-cycle" food out of dumpsters. and it's considered eco-friendly and uber-conscious.

we are not quite that green, but we did do some trash picking this weekend. kisu suggested i take the girls out for a bike ride while he cooked dinner friday, but i knew that bug would not be able to go all the way around the block on her push-bike. pooka pre-empted a toddler meltdown by dragging the wagon out of the garage.

we started out (me:reluctantly) but only got halfway down the block when pooka said she was too tired. we walked her bike back to the house, but she didn't want to go in yet. no, she wanted me to pull them both in the wagon. (reluctant +2)

on our first foray, we picked up the paper that had been thrown onto our walk by a hapless duo in a large pickup truck weaving their way down the street. they lurched close to each drive with one person leaning out the window to throw the paper, then inevitably getting out to reposition it after the lousy throw fell short of its target. why the passenger didn't just stand in the truckbed and chuck the papers out i don't know. do i have to mention it was two females performing this farce?

anyway, as we headed out on our second attempt, i noticed many pieces of garbage lying in the grass. being on the corner, our lawn gets a lot of attention from lazy, no-good bums who can't be bothered to take care of their own messes.

that is to say, we get some mysterious trash items.

i suggested to pooka that we pick this trash up and she was prepared to run into the house to get a garbage bag. she was perplexed when i told her to use the newspaper bag. she couldn't fathom what we would do with the paper.

she was quite excited and we picked up a fair amount of paper bits, and partial wrappers (nothing more scandalous than a cigarette box, thankfully) with her hopping in and out of the wagon just like a real garbageman. (yay for my shoulder muscles!)

we encountered one homeowner who was incredulous when we told her what we were doing. it probably didn't help that although i have seen her taking great care of her yard, we were still finding more there to clean.

we managed to fill that whole sleeve well before we completed the lap. i felt very accomplished and also proud that pooka tackled the job with such enthusiasm. little by little, we are taking care of our world.

monkeys everywhere!

bug's birthday party was last weekend. she likes monkeys. ergo, we had a monkey party.

we had pictures of monkeys on the walls. (but no pictures of pictures of monkeys.)

we had inflatable monkeys.

we had a monkey balloon.

we had a monkey on the cake.

bug was dressed in her monkey shirt.

the gifts were monkeys.

what we didn't have? bananas.

but nobody minded. bug had such a good time, she slept in the next morning AND took a 3.5 hour nap. yay! we tired out the toddler!

that's what kids are for

blog fodder, right?

pooka has always been advanced for her age, in everything from smarts to attitude, but lately, i think it's getting a little out of hand.

i have intercepted my first love note as a mother. and it comes complete with graphics:



pooka's young enough where this is still charming and adorable in a dismissable way. the funny thing, it appears completely mutual. way back for pooka's birthday party, the boy's mother told me about the card he wanted to buy for pooka. it read: "to my wife."

we had a grand laugh, but pooka didn't hear about it (i don't think). so to see this note come about a short while later tells me there truly is some feeling there. i'm not about to arrange a dowry or anything, but i think these two will be lifelong friends.

she doesn't know i snatched this note, either, so don't narc on me.

p.s. i just realized that i never posted about her birthday party. oops. check back later for pics on that.

cheese is contagious

so last weekend we did it again. this time i made the excursion, dragging along pooka and my niece danica.

at first, pooka didn't want to go and she pitched a fit because she thought we would make her eat everything and wouldn't let her choose one or something like that. i'm not sure exactly, kisu us the family psychotherapist on her. i get too frustrated.

anyway, we bravely ventured into the cheese fridge at westborn market. that place is freezing! they had everything nicely sorted on wire racks. an entire 4' wide, 6 shelf rack of cheddar! one for swiss, several shelves for italian, blue, and french. the featured selections this month are irish, naturally.

pooka cheered up and decided to participate when i pointed out a chocolate cheese fudge. forgetting, momentarily, that we tried it and didn't particularly like it at the cheeshaus in frankenmuth, i allowed her to buy it.

danica picked out one, i chose one for me and one i thought kisu would like. we grabbed a baguette and headed home. $30 in cheese, people!

we tried to prepare a proper cheese tasting board, with a selection of crackers, baguette, and apple slices. elegance went right down the drain, however, when i dropped two hunks of cheese on the floor downstairs. pooka had to retrieve one from under the couch. the cat licked up the smears.

a very short time later, we were crumb-covered, lactose-saturated, and lethargic. we also had some new data for our cheese files:

chocolate cheese fudge: meh. one bite cheesy, one bite chocolately. neither in a good way. pooka liked it, so she will be getting it for lunch desserts for awhile.

white stilton with lemon zest: a (poorer) cousin to the mango/ginger variety we had last time. good flavor, but the zest left a gritty feel. paired well with the apple slices.

chevre with honey: i like goat cheese when it's incorporated with other things, like as a binder for a portobello filling (which i've done), but not so much when it's the main flavor. kisu and danica enjoyed it and the small portion we bought was eradicated.

formaggio with roasted garlic, tomato, and basil: like a pizza without the crust. so much flavor! i think it would be perfect melted onto the baguette, but we couldn't be bothered to go back upstairs.

a dutch cheese labeled vlaskaas: not sure if that is the brand name or the type. it was a hard cheese, similar to parmagiano reggiano, but not as pungent. it was described as buttery and sweet. it was fairly strong, but i decided that i liked it. good on the apple slices.

a good haul, but left us only wanting more. danica wants to participate again and we have already marked out 2 to try next time. i want to avoid too many mix-ins, like the herbs or the fruit. they're good, but i want to experience the natural flavor of the cheeses first. the inherent character infused by the bacteria that create each individual type.

wow, that makes it sound kind of disgusting.

cheese extravaganza

kisu and i don't consider ourselves foodie snobs, but we do think that we know how to appreciate the finer goodies in life. to a certain extent. we are both at least willing to give everything a taste test. often, the most pretentious items just don't suit our palettes. for example, neither one of us cares for caviar or wine, really.

what we do like, though, is cheese. i would even consider a trip through europe based primarily on cheese-tasting, in fact. (and i have seen them advertised, btw.) we are perfectly fine with american slices on grilled cheese, but also enjoy a nice, sharp aged cheddar or a smoky swiss. periodically we get cheese on the brain. several months ago i scouted the cheese case at the grocery store and came home with a garlic cheddar (great on lunch sandwiches) and a cranberry wensleydale that was like dessert.

last weekend, we wanted to scope out a more upscale place but neither of the girls were up to leaving the house. we actually attempted to get a babysitter so that we could go out and buy cheese together.

**ahem**

anyway, i consented to let kisu go alone and he came back with a smoked swiss, apple cinnamon monterey jack, and mango ginger stilton. the first and last we adored. the middle one was only alright. you could see the apples, but not really taste them and monterey jack itself is a very mild cheese. i ended up putting it on pooka's turkey sandwich this week. the mango/ginger was pretty much killed in a day and a half and the swiss is gone as of today.

this weekend we are putting another expedition on the to do list. we will drag the children if necessary. that's how tight the grip of cheese is upon us right now.

thank goodness we're not lactose intolerant.

snow day

it was pretty much a foregone conclusion. the storm was so well predicted that everybody was prepared for today to be a snow day.

everybody but me.

i forgot to have pooka bring home her snow pants and i left bug's snow boots at daycare. i also left my desk at work with half-finished projects (some of which are christmas related).

this really screws with my pto time, too. i only had one day left, which i planned to use on tuesday to take pooka to clinic. with both the elementary school AND daycare closed (that never happens) i had no choice but to stay home. i could take pooka to work with me, but there is no way i can contain bug for 8 hours at work and actually get anything done. so tuesday i can either try to hurry and get to work for half a day or have poppa take her. pooh. i had planned on movies and a haircut with her.

once i dragged myself out of bed (after being rudely jolted out of a doze by bug who was wielding a pen all over my sheets, my devotional book, oh, and herself) i decided to make the most of the day. but when i asked gleefully who wanted to play in the snow, i was greeted with silence and blank stares. my new boss had ok'd me staying home, but as it turned out, kisu forgot his meds and i was going to take them to him. uh, that is, i was gonna try. we got about a mile away before concluded that the effort was not worth it. even in zed, the roads were slow going with at least 8 inches of snow and no plows in sight.

so we promptly turned around and i convinced the kids to play in the yard, instead. while pooka went inside to add more layers, i took bug for a sled ride. i started too fast for her at first and she was nervous. when i slowed down, she started to enjoy it. we were heading in for a break, when she leaned over to look at something and stuck her face right in a snow bank. she laughed until she realized how cold it was.
once pooka (finally!) came back out, i put both of them in the sled. it's amazing how much harder it was to pull with two kids in it. they both enjoyed it, though, until the end of the ride when i dumped them out. pooka's legs actually ended up planting bug deeper into the snow. she was pissed! pooka was laughing, though.

it was a lot colder than it usually is when snow is falling (how does that work, anyway?) so we didn't stay out long, only 10 minutes or so. when we came in i got the girls changed and in the big bed to warm up. i threw the wet stuff in the dryer for a potential return engagement and made some hot cocoa. it might have been bug's first try and since i put it in a sippy cup, she downed it superfast.
we spent the rest of the day sleeping, basically.

well worth the 40 cents

it was so hard to keep a straight face, but she had no idea what we were laughing at anyway.

kisu and pooka had been taunting each other throughout the evening and kisu threatened to put a dirty diaper in her bed. she responded with, "you better not or else!"

after he finished emptying the diaper champ, he got a clean diaper, filled it with tap water and put in smack dab in the middle of her bed. this is itself was funny. however, the fact that she was so oblivious to it made kisu nearly pee his pants.

she climbed the ladder (we were already grinning, waiting for her reaction) she opened the covers (i snorted and had to make up a reason for my laughing) she reached a hand back to steady herself (squarely on the diaper) and finally, she laid down right on top of it.

still no reaction.

kisu was doubled up laughing, which she correctly got defensive about, and sat up to throw a teddy bear at him. at this point, she noticed the diaper and hurled that at him instead. "gross, gross!"

kisu literally had cramps from laughing so hard.

after we got her contained back in bed, she didn't find it funny. she got quite mad about it, actually. she's such my child.

sometimes i hate cars

not really, i just hate when the time comes to spend money on their maintenance. especially when said money is hard to come by.

two weeks ago, i got the girls loaded into the truck and headed for daycare as per usual. i left pooka in the running vehicle because it was freezing! and quickly dropped bug off. then we headed over to latchkey to drop pooka. this time i shut the truck off. by the time i came back, it was dead.

turning the key, i heard an abbreviated startup kind of grinding, then lots of clicks and the dashboard lights starting flashing.

oh, hell.

after a brief prayer, i tried again, with no better result. i called kisu and let him know. he suggested i call dad, but dad couldn't take me to work after the tow truck dragged me to the garage.

i waited 45 minutes for the tow, and kisu met me at the garage whereupon the manager told me it was going to be "major surgery." always nice to hear.

halfway back to work, the garage called and gave me a laundry list of things that need to be replaced. predictable, right? when i asked what caused the non-start this morning, he said, "oh, that was just the battery."

crackbook

i haven't been writing much here. i have been way too busy playing saving the planet. otherwise known as playing solitaire on facebook.

i have become one of the many addicts to that social network. once i got past the rigorous vetting process (it seems they didn't believe my name really was megachick) i quickly got hooked by how many darn people i know. in fact, the first hour, i contacted a friend from college who happened to be doing freelance work right that minute next door at my very own employer!

and it snowballed from there. although, to be honest, it's starting to slow down. i'm re-discovering that there really is a limit to how much solitaire you can play before your brain starts to liquify. that's why i started this hobby in the first place.

so eventually i'll come back here and start retuning my writing skills and paying attention to my children in order to have material on which to use those skills.

i love my church family

never before have i been somewhere where they clamor to take care of your children. last year we went to a christmas party and people were grabbing bug left and right to hold her, carry her, feed her. after services on sunday, they often do the same, one day almost fighting over her.

this year, they moved kids' choir rehearsal to wednesday night at a time we couldn't make. the director volunteered to drive waaay out of her way to pick up pooka from latchkey and get her to church. when the logistics ultimately didn't work out for her, a friend whose daughter is also in the choir called and asked if i minded if she picked up pooka instead. mind? why would i mind? you guys are doing all the work for me!

i have now performed twice in the sweet spirit choir and both times i have heard compliments, "good to see you up there. you sounded great."

this place is chock-full of lovely individuals who truly want you to fully enjoy the atmosphere and experience the fellowship. i love it here! i'm so happy to discover what i was missing by running out the door as soon as the last amen was said.

halloween just doesn't excite me

i don't think i've ever been into halloween, which is weird because i think both my parents enjoy it, especially since they met at a halloween party. and don't you usually learn to love the events your parents love?

i can only recall a few halloweens with any sort of clarity.

youth: some sort of costume that involved wearing a decorated cardboard box.

adolescence: i dressed up like a businessman (slacks and a sportcoat. how original) because it was the only thing i could afford as a college freshmen. yes, of course, i did it just for the candy.

adulthood: when i was pregnant with pooka, i didn't dress up, but i remember handing out candy. one little boy came to the door and saw arizona, our first cat, walking around. he made a typical toddler comment like, "is that your cat?" and i replied, "no. that's my husband. i turned him into a cat because he made me mad." i don't think any 'scream' mask could have made his eyes wider than they were at that. heh. it still makes me laugh to think about it.

this is the 3rd time and i'm starting to take it personally

my college was well known for it's gay-friendly atmosphere. so much so that a tomboy with short hair, who liked to wear jeans, eschewed makeup, listened to melissa etheridge, and didn't sleep around was assumed to be gay. even by my father, at one point.

i didn't get around much, but both of the guys i 'dated' in college before kisu ended up being gay. well, one of them was bi, but still.

recently i found out that a guy on whom i had a major crush in high school is also gay.

what the hell?

i don't have a problem with gay people, except that it makes it more difficult to date them if you're the opposite gender. obviously, this is not an issue anymore, but i'm starting to develop a complex. of course, that's just silly. i didn't turn them gay, right? (did i?)

i told kisu straight up, if he ever even has a fleeting thought about changing his orientation: please, for the sake of my vanity, just keep it in the closet.

tidbits

saturday when kisu and i were out and about, we noticed a curious trend: the cops were out in full force. we passed through at least 5 different municipalities and saw cops (mid-action) in every one. was saturday some kind of cop holiday? i even saw several earlier that morning on the way to dance class. the really weird thing is that many times we saw them in groups of 3 or 4 cars.

there must have been some major shit going down that day.

****

this morning on the way to work i saw a vette pass me. (you know he was going fast if he passed me.) as he went, i noticed some large wheels in his passenger seat. thinking bicycle, it was only as i saw his handicapped plate that it clicked: a wheelchair.

i guess a vette doesn't have a lot of trunk room, eh?

singular suckitude

kisu had to take primary responsibility for his mother this week, which took up most of the after work hours. so i have been living the life of a single parent. i have to admit i hate it. there's a reason i went the traditional family route: getting a husband and then the kids, you know?

i have new-found respect for those heroic women (and men) who manage to raise multiple children on their own, particularly in despicable circumstances, particular when they manage to instill in the children a drive to succeed and a measure of self worth. that isn't easy to do, even when you have a partner present to prevent you from getting medieval on those kids butts.

in particular, i have renewed respect for my sister who spent a large portion of raising her children doing it on her own. three kids, who were practically triplets, on her own because her husband was not only not helping, but often times actually trying to cause more trouble for her and for them.

once upon a time, i thought i wanted three kids, but after this week i think i have buried that idea. (as if the crashing economy hadn't already.) the tiny island of sanity to which i am desperately clinging would be completely engulfed by the tsunami that a third child would bring to our world.

maybe in ten years or so we'll have one of those 'oopsy-daisy' babies. by then our sanity will either be sufficiently recovered or completely blown and crazy will be normal.

vanity plates

there are typically two options for personalizing license plates: vanity plates and 'support' plates.

vanity plates are the fun ones that offer so many options.

you can label your possessions: mybenz
you can go with your oh-so-clever rebus: 2fast4u
you can compress your name: lkeisha
you can hint at your favorite comic book: snikt (the sound of wolverine's claws, for those who don't know comics)

i have often thought about what i would put on a vanity plate, if i could bring myself to spend the extra $35. (i am so cheap, but definitely NOT easy.) i like 'megachk' or if i wanted to fork out an additional $35, i could get the u of m plate that has the first letter built in, and go with 'egachik' or 'ishu'.

the challenge, of course, is not only do you have to come up with something readable in 7 letters or less, but it has to be something that no one else has already taken.

the other way to go is a support plate. support plates are usually fundraisers for specific organizations, like conservationists or a university. they also have patriotic plates. these are the ones where you can proudly display in which armed service or conflict you served. i have seen quite a few that said korean war veteran, vietnam war veteran, a couple world war II veteran, and an increasing number lately for gulf war veteran.

today for the first time ever, i saw one that said cuban missile crisis. i didn't know they printed those. was that a conflict worthy of a plate? history's not my best subject, but i didn't think there was any actual military action for that. not technically a conflict but a tremendous build up of tension? that's like having a plate for cold war veteran. but maybe it was a special run for this particular driver because he looked an awful lot like castro.

curtain call

we were out today and missed out on dugan's last hours. kisu returned to find the backyard empty, again. expecting a note in the mailbox, he went to the front door, only to find a group of people out in the street. at such an hour, it was unusual. one of them called out to ask if kisu had a dog. when kisu replied yes, the man said, "i just ran over your dog."

apparently, dugan got out and wandered across the street. guided by nothing but a desire to find warmth and security, he crawled under a recently parked car. not expecting an animal to be underneath, the driver pulled out and ran over the dog.

when i arrived home with the truck, kisu put dugan in and took him to the emergency vet. as he closed the door, dugan started crying. there's no other way to describe that sound and i will hear it in my head for a long time. kisu suspected a shattered hip or two but the vet diagnosed a broken back. the only thing to do was end his misery immediately. his fate was imminent, but we would never have wished that final injury to him.

we are still confounded as to how he escaped the yard. kisu thinks maybe he really pushed through the wooden gate and is berating himself for not checking it after the last incident. as if the man needed more blame to shoulder in this world.

i braced pooka for the situation on our approach to home. i told her to say goodbye to dugan because he wouldn't be coming home. she accepted his departure stoically. while getting ready for bed she railed against the neighbor again. she wants to set up a video camera to catch her trespassing. she will not let it go. i'm a little worried about her obsession. here is some of the conversation:

pooka: trespassing is mean and it's one of the commandments. mommy: it's one of the ten commandments? p: no, it's one of the 800 commandments from the devil and she is listening to him for some reason. so she's on the wrong side. m: she's on the dark side, like darth vader? p: no, it's not a movie and {agitated} i hate star wars.

*****
more tidbits from later:

m: maybe you could say a prayer for dugan, to help him get to heaven. p: why does he need help. m: we all need help. p: why? m: do you know how to get to heaven? p: die? {with wide eyes and a shake of her head betraying the unspoken 'duh!'} buy wings and start flying into the sky.

*****
if only it were that easy to find our eternal reward.